herlucidlife

My dearest friend is going through a similar situation I walked through almost a year ago. I’ve been doing my best to help her cope with the loss of a relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am out of my element because God was the biggest life saver in those moments and still is. I cried to Him, I could literally feel His shoulder under my cheeks saying “it’s going to be okay.” I could feel Him hug me when I balled my eyes out. I always pray that the pain others feel brings them to God and not further away. The devil knows how to use pain and struggles to allow lies to seep in. 

It’s really easy to believe the illusion of not feeling worthy when pain strikes the heart. All I can do is pray for her and bring the light of God’s word to her ears. I feel helpless because I can’t force her to stop believing the lies. I can not force her to turn to God. It breaks my heart to see her like this. Going through heartbreak has allowed me to be there for her, to speak life into her and be a living witness that it does get better. Everything is a credit to God. Nothing I could’ve done would have alleviated that pain. He is the reason I sit here today no longer yearning for that person the way I did.

A conversation with my dear brother shed light on my romantic life. Hearing the words he spoke, fully bible based I felt immediate relief from searching for a partner. My existence is about enjoying life with God, my mind finally internalized that God is my true love. I don’t need to look, chase, wonder or worry. My love has always been here and will continue to be here forever. I am scared for my friend because her life is out of my control. I can only be an example and goodness knows I am a hot mess. This hot mess loves God and God loves this hot mess. 

After reading her text message I immediately began praying because I could see the devil at work so easily. It’s sad because the devil doesn’t have to work hard at keeping someone down who already thinks low of themselves. I remember a time when my worth and value was based on the people around me and if one person decided to leave then my worth dropped. God rearranged my thinking, every single person in my life could walk away today and my value in God would not budge. God does more for me than He does for any living creature on this earth. The birds chirp and live with no concern yet it was mankind that Christ died for. When I chose Jesus I also chose to stop believing in the lies of the devil and of myself. 

My walk with God is flawed, damaged and all over the place. I am weak, broken and for some reason loved by the Most High. I am not perfect and every single day I fall short. I don’t always prioritize God and sometimes I purposely set myself up to sin. Yet that won’t stop me from  coming back in spite of my decisions because when I keep coming back eventually I will stay. Thank God I am on the road, I’m walking closer everyday.