herlucidlife

The amount of ways God comes to my aid, His presence alone is heart altering. I’ve never encountered such a sobering relationship in my life. A soft, general touch in my heart. Only my Father’s hand can soothe my soul. Physically exhausted all day. The biggest recovery has been my spirit. Being revived in ways I’d never considered. Pulling into the church parking lot, ready for a recovery filled meeting. My soul needs to hear other souls wail of the joy of recovery’s new beginnings. Walking up the steps, my thighs and glutes activate. Stepping onto the top level, shaking the tensions out of my legs. Hugging my dear friend, it’s always wonderful to see her at a meeting. Finding my usual seat against the wall, I settle in waiting for the meeting to begin. 

Addicts pour into the room, fresh coffee and stale cigarette smoke fill the air. We begin with a moment of silence for the still sick and suffering addict, the next hour is filled with spiritual lessons on how to live clean. Sharing the highs and lows of my recovery. Honest about my porn addiction to a room full of family members. Walking into an NA meeting is like greeting a long lost family. Listening to others share at the meeting, it ended promptly at nine o’clock at night. Turning to hug my friend goodnight, giving a good squeeze. Headed out the door, he stepped into my view and grabbed my attention.

Speaking for a short moment, exchanging phone numbers. Identifying with my share during the meeting, he wanted to read my blog because he also writes. I was scared to give him my number, telling myself I would stay focused on the spiritual path at hand. My gut told me to say no, curiosity told me to go for it. Something unlikely happened. Texting that night, laughter filled my small apartment. Keeping him at arms length didn’t last long. An unlikely relationship, not on my radar and now never wanting to leave his side. Comfort, ease, never forced but flows peacefully like the calm waters of a lazy river. Pulling up to Razzoo’s Cajun Restaurant for our first one on one date, I had no expectations. Going into it with the focus of being myself, not hiding or stunting certain parts of me. I was excited to see him, the best part was he was excited to see me too. 

Getting out of the car, his face was sweet and cute. My mind tends to forget a face, pleasantly surprised seeing him again. Walking into the restaurant, the first thing I noticed was how comfortable I felt. Reading his poetry, my heart felt empathetic and understood. Sitting across the table, humble in his approach yet courageous because he continues to show up in spite of life’s several gut wrenching turns. He continues giving love even after being scorned by those closest to him. I saw someone who simply wanted genuine love and acceptance. The sincerity of true love is so extravagant because it’s priceless in its simplicity to accept another for who they are and still see them as precious. A damaged soul with a light coming back into his eyes, a fighter coming back to life. He is cherished.