herlucidlife

There’s always something new to grieve. A new event to shake the core of our existence. The room was full of hustle and bustle as we prepared for the event. Saturday night, addicts come together to enjoy company, food and a great message of recovery. The disease of addiction is relentless, but what happens when the tools taught seem to not work? Looking for my friend in the hallways, noticing paramedics in the building, my mind was concerned…what was happening?

Another fellow addict had overdosed in the bathroom, dying, nothing to keep her on this earth. They say, “go to a meeting when you feel like using.” They say, “call someone when you feel like using, when the emotions get too big.” They say, “an addict alone is in bad company.” What happens when the disease is so strong that the meeting doesn’t work, when the help is right downstairs, but nothing can break the grip of addiction. A room full of addicts’ downstairs, help was in ear shot and this person still died from this disease. 

Shaken, the energy in the room was tight, the reality had sunk in…yea this person died yet it could be any addict any time anywhere. Hearing a message of recovery, the only thing standing between me and using is the divine power of God, woven into this program. It does not work unless I work it, and it only fails when I stop working it. For a moment I had gotten complacent, going days without meetings, struggling to pick up the pen and do step work. Talking to my sponsor and other addicts, they are family. 

My first time seeing the effects of overdose close up, it causes a domino effect of suffering. Praying for my fellow addict, word broke of a lost life before the meeting. I get this eerie feeling when praying for life and death situations because I know that God’s will can oftentimes be death. That night it was death, I sensed it would be.