herlucidlife

Walking into the shelter together, having told him about wanting a little fur baby to keep me company. Mila’s was the first paw to swing out the bars of the cage. Black and tan mixed coat diluted tabby. Cutest body on earth, saying a prayer to be led to her. Taking her home Wednesday. She has burrowed her way into my heart. Tiny paws prancing around the apartment, rubbing her body up against my legs. Kissing her small forehead, underbelly exposed to the ceiling. She’s home. 

Always wanting an animal to fill my home, the energy she brings is pure. Untainted love no matter what I look like, following me around the house. Sitting close, zooming around pouncing on imaginary prey. A huge change from what I grew up with, even as an adult my home has been rarely open to another species. Purring, licking out of my water glass, every encounter is a sign of affection growing. I almost lost it. 

Anxiety had begun to hit, not used to the space she occupies. She has become my favorite being, my furry little buddy. To think just a month ago her presence brought fear. In recovery they say “fear is false evidence appearing real.” I’ve heard it multiple times yet never took the time to understand its meaning. What I’ve been fearful of is the illusion my mind creates. No actions in my life have said the probability was real or the facts being true. Meandering around our home, sleep is peaceful, mind is relaxed and my time at home is sweeter than before. 

Walking into the house seeing her sweet face is the greatest gift. Napping together, creating a safe clean environment for her has allowed my motherly ways to flow just a little bit. Life has changed because her presence has added gentleness.