herlucidlife

My heart aches for you like an attack. My cat has been very docile sense I had our dream, almost like she can sense something in me is a little different. Reading my energy, she is laying down at my feet in every room, lovingly gazing at me with slow blinks. Perhaps she’s being gentle because she can tell my heart is bruised. Joy and pain live together when I think of you. After two years I can still feel your hand on my skin, calloused hands gripping my things. You always knew what to do, never too far but just far enough. I miss what I thought was being built, perhaps we had some building that needed to be done separately first. I thought you walked away but now I know God removed you. So why are you here? In my heart still? I let you go over and over and over again. I never wanted to love you again and yet I sit on my living room floor completely shook by never seeing your face again. 

I only see my mother in dreams, she’s still just as pretty. I see you in the same way and you’re just as handsome and sweet as my heart remembers. Father says my heart is deceitful, so why would I believe her? Does she really love you? Does she really know what’s good for her? Perhaps it was for my protection but now I’m not so sure. Father said I’m safe with Him, so He told me to write you a love story but to send it to Him instead. He’s no messenger boy. He loves His daughter like crazy and with that He will always take care of me. He is doing something good and perhaps this memory of you is the catalyst for the seed. I am so thankful for you. Gratitude for knowing you has never left my heart. Regret has never crossed my mind when I think about our story. You mean the world to me, you’ve helped me stay the course, pay attention to details and gain discipline in the hard things. 

You taught me too much is never too much because I’d hate to not give enough and fall short. There’s always higher, always more and perhaps the more doesn’t look like what I thought, yet I’ll forever be grateful for having called you, my honey. And even in the days when I like to pretend that you are, thank you for lending me a hand in our dream to make the days ahead a little sweeter than usual. I don’t have to be here even if it’s me being stubborn. I’d at least like to be content with knowing you serve a purpose whether physically here or not. With that I pray I have another dream of you, so sweet our encounter. Something that feeds my soul. Come see me please. Our dreams make my reality a little lighter and perhaps I’m delusional. I’m okay with that if it means I can have just even an image of you in my mind.