herlucidlife

The wind in my long curls. The sun lit up the sky with hues of yellow and orange burning together painting the blue sky. Kissing the trees, the green was of a deep forest, rich with earthy tones. Clouds could not exist that day. Breeze on my skin feet strapped into rollerblades. Gliding down the street, making eyes at the camera man. I could feel my higher self-gazing at me from above, gazing in love at my beauty. Engulfed in freedom and peace, my body is awe inspiring, nothing on my mind but the excitement of being alive. Colorful brownstone buildings in the background, with red and brown brick decorating the sidewalks. Was it really all a dream?  

You weren’t in the dream physically, but I could feel you emotionally. I could sense your energy beaming into my heart, piercing into my eyes. Crouched down rollerblading backwards in front of me, aiming the camera in my direction. Love in our eyes, I woke up. Sitting up in my bed, reality seeping in. I loved how the dream gave me hope for the future. The future me and perhaps the future us. But deep down I know you’re not there but the beauty of me absolutely lives without you. The wonder in my soul is brighter even without you. I was not worthy to you, but I hold my worth high and God takes it always higher. 

I write this love story because I need an outlet. Something that glorifies God yet still releases the trauma I seem to still be carrying. It’s my way of surrendering you to God because I no longer want to hold on. I no longer want to see you in my dreams. I no longer want to feel peace when I sense you are close by. I no longer want to see you here inside of my heart. God, can you please rip this person out, I’ve given them over time and time again yet still I find traces of them in my soul. I sense their aroma when I wake from my slumber. Lord, please rid me of this person. Why are they still here? Have I not worked hard enough to put distance between he and I?

I place you in the care of God, my Father. I place you in His hands to love and cherish. I place you in His bosom to be nurtured. I place you gently in His arms because I can no longer carry you around. Your burden is too heavy for me. I do my best to continue releasing you unto God, multiple times a day if that’s what it takes to continue moving forward without you. This may not seem like much of a love story. Yet the love story isn’t for you, it’s for me. The love story is the one I discover with God and myself. While I nurture that love I will continue pouring into my love of romance.