herlucidlife

Waking up from our dream the next morning, I felt calm. I say our dream because I just don’t believe I’m the only one seeing these visions of a future life. There has to be more on the other side of this surrealism. As always I look forward to seeing you again because the thought of having to arise from that dream was a bittersweet sunset. I wanted to bring you out of the dream into reality but some things just aren’t possible. Taking you to work with me. I had to jot down the interaction because I’ve seen things come to life I never thought possible. 

I must be delusional that a figment of my subconscious imagination and world can truly keep the reality of my life so warm at night. How dare you visit me there and not here. How dare you show tenderness just to disappear when my eyes open. Love and torture seem to live in the same house these days. You are the muse to my creative flow. You heighten my senses and creativity to roam free. I wonder if you see the same sunset I see. I pray I’m not the only one living in this chamber of torture. Kissing you last night, what if my subconscious decides that we can’t meet for a while? Am I supposed to live on this memory till our next surprise visit?

Please don’t be so cruel! The visions of us are becoming too real, I remember the smell of our home. The way your skin felt under my fingertips like the smoothest silk. Lord, I pray what I write glorifies you because the energy pinned underneath my skin is too much to contain. I can’t help but release the tension! I remember how your lips felt on mine, velvet soft warm like a summer night. Sending tingles down my spin, I remember. How can something so dreamy not be real? I think I have to let go now because I may never rise from this vision. Sucked in all day, work provided moments of break. Odd how these dreams have allowed me to feel love in my heart for you, someone unseen but known. 

Wearing the face of someone who is long gone, masquerading in my dreams. I’m taken but not found. I’m unavailable while unattached. Unfortunately, in reality I’m just a girl doing her best to get through life and let you go in the process. Ripped out of my hands it took almost two years for my heart to possibly consider the thought of letting go…poor thing still doesn’t know what’s going on. So I write these love notes to help her cope and to keep my mind from going absolutely crazy. Because let’s be serious, we all just want to be loved by the one we love.