herlucidlife

Sitting at work in class my mind could barely pay attention to the trainer. Thoughts of you and I have turned into something much bigger than just I. I see the pictures playing, almost having to giggle because what an active imagination I carry. I saw you on orientation day, not getting a good look at your face. Something told me you might be too cute. Thinking about the day I would see you again. My mind has been doing its best not to create worlds where we collide. 

Already in the room waiting for training to begin, I walked into the room. Seats filled, folks ready and anxious for our first day of new hire training to begin. We all have embarked on a new job position at what seems to be a great company. Sitting on the same row with two people and an aisle between us. If I leaned just a little in either direction I could see your caramel face. Facial hair lined up just right, beautifully placed around full lips. I gaze hoping to not be caught, while hoping that just maybe I might be and you’d return the favor. 

Nervous, I look away quickly. Sometimes I like the fantasy in my head better than the real thing. Stories of being in the same pod begin to brew. He winks at me playfully as I walk by. He grabs my hand saying, “So what’s goin on witchyou?” Leaning back in his office chair waiting for my response with a flirty smile on his face. A small line in a long line of fantasies. Snapping back into the reality of my emotions, I’d really like to stay a little longer. There’s a guy that never left my heart even though he’s been gone for a while. Something about him feels too real. Not the man you’d think, I prayed for him today. I walked around with him in my heart, and when I met with God he was brought into my mind. I trust God knows exactly what you need, and I prayed for everything.

Peace fell over my heart because I know you are taken care of when God’s hand is on you. I was more than inclined to obey His command. For some reason I feel your heart changing for the needed reasons God has in your life. We all need that invisible person that prays for us the way our mamas and grandmamas used to. I pray out of deep love and care for you. I know the relationship you’re in is beautiful, treasured and sweet. One day I hope to have the same for myself. A peaceful gut feeling came into my belly when I asked God to guide your relationship. I could feel Him acknowledging the hurt and serenity in my heart. The day you walked out I knew it was over and everyday since God has been gluing my heart back together. 

I’m a silly lovesick girl who’d love to just have a conversation with you but nothing will ever come to pass because the objective is to let go, not to hold on. God is removing you one finger at a time, He would go faster if I weren’t fighting Him so hard. But love just doesn’t die that easy. If my only purpose for having known you is to pray over you in my quiet time, then I’ll hide you in my heart just long enough to whisper your name to God in the midst of tears. Be well because I trust you are.