herlucidlife

Some things die hard, not from a lack of trying. I’ve dedicated time to letting you go and it’s finally working. I’m finding myself becoming comfortable with the idea of someone new. Exciting, I look for that person in the spaces I frequent. I’d rather wait for the real thing instead of entertaining a counterfeit. I have no yearning to clean up a mess from collateral damage. Unneccesary brokenheartedness can prolong the blessing God has for me. Having to constantly pick up the pieces from harmful relationships can create bitterness in the heart and ultimately be the reason I miss out on a great relationship. 

Being in love is a privilege, everyone does not experience it. I look for you everywhere I go because even though I feel unprepared at times, I’d rather love than to never know. I get over my head at times and get too involved with the fantasy that I forget you will be in my reality. Not a figment of imagination, you will bring the passion back into truth. A fact I don’t want to escape. The love story begins before the man comes, it begins when I start loving myself. It begins when I stop giving men access that should not have entry into my life. It comes when I start saying “no” instead of saying “yes” out of people pleasing manipulation. 

I can’t long for you if I never yearn to love myself completely. When you come along you’ll love me in ways I couldn’t have loved myself. Yet you won’t be loving an incomplete individual. I love myself by giving the time needed to complete what God wants me to learn before you arrive. I would never want you to love someone that doesn’t love themselves. That kind of relationship can be difficult to navigate and quite toxic because I’m looking for you to do things I should’ve been doing for myself. I want you to enhance the love I already have for myself. I want you to multiply the care I give to me. I want you to encounter a human with an overrunning well. You deserve and are worthy of a woman who is whole, having done all the work on herself so you can be properly loved. 

You are important to me because I chose to be important to myself. I chose to take time to heal so you wouldn’t have to deal with unnecessary mess. Some pain can be avoided when I take the time to be alone with God, in the stillness of life. Some hurt can be derailed when I allow God to fill my soul with His light. Some words can go unspoken when God’s wisdom fills my brain. Some experiences will never be lived when godliness is more important than being seen. You are so important to me, I’m willing to sit still and do the work before you arrive. We deserve a home not wreckage. We need love not strife. We yearn for compassion not indifference. We cultivate empathy not sympathy. We create joy not misery. We allow God to live within us, around us and through us and with that our life will be blessed because it’ll glorify The Most High. 

So let’s begin healing separately before we continue healing together in matrimony.