herlucidlife

Doing my best, people float around doing various exercises to further their fitness journey. Looking at myself in the mirror, feeling as though my little belly is in the way. I couldn’t help the critical thoughts from flooding into my mind. Doing my best to bring the words of God into my mind. The thoughts had already been spoken, thankfully the moment didn’t last long. I have a hard time accepting God’s love. I usually push people away when they get too close. I usually run away when it feels life is getting too near, though I may not say it. I have a hard time believing I deserve genuine care. My value and worth are rooted in the attention of a man. There is no man in my life at the moment and has been that way for months. Having done my best at the gym, pulling into the driveway. Both thankfulness and loneliness crept into my mind. 

Unaccompanied in this world, friends near, Mimi tucked close by my side. God’s love constantly surrounds me. I don’t do well with loneliness. It sits on my chest like a rock until I have to let it out. Walking into my home, Mimi greeted me at the door. God has put the right beings and things in my life in order for me to feel loved. Standing over Mimi as she stretched and squirmed on the ground, back to me. It made me think of all the power I have in comparison to her little body. Standing over her, she feels safe with me even though I could over power her. Her small stature does not change how she can also hurt me. Yet, I use my power to protect and care for her, never yelling or raising my voice, Mimi is treated with the utmost gentleness. 

Instantly, I thought about God and I’s relationship. He holds all the power in His hand yet He never yields it for wrong. He uses His strength to love and care for me. Small, my behavior can still hurt God’s heart because I am His child. God in all His Mighty Glory, is more gentle than a summer night’s breeze when it comes to me. He touches my soul deeply. Catches every tear when I cry on His shoulder. He holds my hand through every uncertain moment. He reassures me when my thoughts have gone crazy. He walks with me when life goes down roads I never considered whether at His doing or mine. He disciplines me never co-signing messes, He teaches me to rise to the standard He has set. There’s never a time where I felt God had left me, in my deepest sin I could feel God there. Even when the barrier was so wide, He was there. He’s here now too! 

In order for God to be closer than the air I breathe, His Holy Spirit has to be inside my body. Granted that’s my logic thinking yet when it comes to God my logic will always keep me in a sea of misunderstandings. The simplest things He wants me to understand, my broken mind have a hard time comprehending. I’m pushing through painful experiences to see the truth God wants me to see. The struggle is evident but it’s the labor that lets me know I am moving in the right direction. Life with God is never easy yet our relationship makes everything worth it.