herlucidlife

I don’t have a lot of words, yet I couldn’t stand to be idle. I finally reached out to the people I felt God telling me to communicate with. The lesson today was not just immediate obedience but obeying without reward. Meaning I do what God says with no personal interest involved. I’ve fallen into the trap of obeying with the expectation of blessings coming after. Thinking when I do this thing God has told me somehow reward is coming. It hits oddly because it goes against what I was taught in church growing up, “blessing comes down, praises go up.” Even if I was not fully aware of the thought it was there. 

The sentiment is not that goodness doesn’t come from obedience because it does, it’s more so I shouldn’t obey with an end goal in mind. God says we should not store up treasures on earth but in heaven. When I obey with conditions I’m essentially caring more about my personal interest rather than of God. Isn’t true obedience its own reward? A truth I’m learning to live by is that obedience becomes a default because sadly it is not. I immediately think of my own comfort before being obedient to what God has told me. I immediately think about the inconvenience to my life rather than the blessing God is creating in someone else’s. 

Selfishness has become an idol in my life. Anything higher than God is an idol, He has stated there should be no idols above him. God has been laying hard truths down, things that I’ve either been ignoring, haven’t given effort toward, or I was ignorant to it. I’ve been settling when it comes to my relationship with God. Accepting the bare minimum but God has positioned me to level up. I can no longer ignore or say I didn’t know these things. Knowing will allow deeper closeness with God and even deeper joy that only comes from obeying Him. 

Knowing I’m not right, there’s a greater gratitude for God’s mercy. I could have been left in the dark but He cared to correct me. God knows I needed the correction, I was not showing up in life the way I needed. God was not the priority and even still I’m having a hard time moving out of my own way. It’s more than being obedient when God’s voice is more visible but it’s about being a default, like a heart posture. Moment by moment, minute by minute in my day allowing God space in my life so He can guide me in absolutely everything no matter how small. 

I get these plans and ideas in my head, nothing that outward goes against God. I do my best to complete them instead of asking God what He thinks. With things that seem small, I subconsciously take a stance of  “I got it.” It hit me that the thought process, whether noticed or not, is arrogant and self sabotaging. Only hurting myself and by not including God, my goal today is to bring God into every decision no matter how small. With practice I’m praying becomes a default, making it easier to obey when it comes to things outside my routine.