herlucidlife

Emotional. Feelings overwhelm me when love is in the mix. It is something that consumes my heart. The obsession created infatuation. I was more than elated to talk with this person. Only for a short time, it feels like my heart has shattered again. Feeling deeply is a blessing yet sometimes it feels like a curse. My heart is on my sleeve waiting for the right person to touch it but it hasn’t happened yet. Sunk into the couch, body feeling numb. Forcing myself to go to the gym because I refuse to get off track because of hurt emotions. Feeling my body, moving through the exercises at the gym.

The heat rising in my body, sweat forming on my skin, the tears fell to the floor. My face twisted in pain, I had to let go of everything I thought it could’ve been. It’s more than the excitement I felt knowing that he liked me too; it was the possibility that perhaps the daydreams would come true. I have to let it go. You’ll want the person you can’t have more than the one that actually wants you. I can’t make this stuff up, the heartbreak brings me back into reality. Making it through the day, my mind felt more and more numb as the day went on. 

The tears won’t come because I feel stupid for crying about this person. I need to feel my emotions. I was all in. Why would you fake it? I’m so mad! I’m furious I’m hurt. I want to reach out but it would be selfish. You said you needed space and I have to give you that. To do anything different would be to ignore reality. I have to accept what you said and move on. It sucks but I have too. I really don’t want to and I wish you would change your mind. Pointless. Back at square zero. It shouldn’t be this hard to find love but for whatever reason it is.