herlucidlife

Doing my best to create space away from you. Muting your story in SnapChat, doing my best to not entertain any thoughts of you. Putting an end to it all, still saying “hi” to me at work, I do my best to not look for you. I struggle. When I like someone it’s tooth and nail removing those emotions but I do my best to stay the course. You came around the corner. I wasn’t ready. I felt my eyes get big, my heart dropped and immediately all these feelings came rushing into my mind. 

Instead of the latter, I thanked God for the ability to feel emotions. My emotions are fragile and they need care and understanding. I prayed about them with the bible in my hands. I lifted my emotions to You and they felt cared for. I don’t have to act out or give my emotions to someone who is not trustworthy. I give every emotion about you to God for healing and care. In the past I would give my emotions and feelings to the man thinking they would be treated well but they never were. 

Eventually I learned that some people are not mature enough to care for the emotions of others because they do not know how to care for themselves. I’ll be honest the attraction hasn’t faded and what a wonderful reality it is to know my care, concern and interest in someone is not fickle. I see it as a superpower to be able to love while accepting reality. Though you said no, it does not control my emotions. I have great gratitude for the feelings I hold. They will fade slowly overtime, without rush but with surrender and humility. 

Not looking to change your mind. I accept the reality and love myself to care, nurture, acknowledge the reality of my feelings without needing to force anything on you. I take full responsibility for my mind and emotions, I’m so thankful I feel with elegance.