herlucidlife

The emotions were high at the beginning of the day. Slowly the decline began. Feelings and emotions swirling in my mind, not acting out on those things. I couldn’t fake being a little sad on my ride home from work. A little melancholy moving through the evening. I’m not really sure how to word this except to just spit it out. I do my best to not be consumed by the yearnings of my heart. Someone holds my heart so closely, I have no clue who this person is. I’m waiting for you. 

Doing my best to stay the course because being impatient can postpone our meeting day. I don’t want to push off our meeting any longer. Choosing to see the protection of God when “prospects” usher themselves out of the way. I continue to wait for you. I’m putting on the armor of discernment because I want to know when I meet you, yet I want to know who to steer clear of as well. Tired of waiting, most of the waiting was my fault because I wouldn’t sit still and do the work needed to be done. I kept creating more wreckage because I would willingly try to make it work with men I knew God did not send.

I kept creating havoc in my being because I wouldn’t do the work to allow space in my heart for God. I was closed off, selfish, and rebellious. I didn’t want to listen and I didn’t want to be obedient because I wanted what I wanted no matter how it happened. I was not walking in my purpose that I would meet you. Granted you weren’t ready either. No clue what your story is but neither were ready and perhaps we still aren’t ready because the meeting has not happened yet. I say I have a man I just haven’t met you yet. Makes me think of the song by Michael Bublè. I know the wait is worth it. Listening to a good friend speak of the love she’s found with her man.

Her face just beamed with deep happiness as she explained the plans they had to grow their life together, stating he wants to marry her. What a beautiful testament and source of hope and faith for what God is creating for us. I often think about whether I would go back to any person in my past, whether it be the recent or distant past, then the thought of you crosses my mind and I know I can’t go back. You are in my future and I won’t look back thinking you’ll be there because you aren’t. I haven’t looked you over or possibly missed a chance with you. You are beautiful, warm like the sun kissing my cheeks. Bone chilling like a cool summer breeze, you graze my skin so gently. 

The nature of who you are is sweet, genuine, sincere and unmatched. You are someone I have never experienced before. I keep walking, growing deeper in the Lord. Intimacy with Him will allow intimacy with you to be founded on the Right One. I look forward to that wonderful day that will seem so ordinary at the start yet will change our lives forever. I will hold onto God’s hand, put faith in the Only One because my hope is in Jesus and no one else.