herlucidlife

God said do not complain. I have a very difficult time not complaining when life happens, the kind of life that hurts the heart. Life happened, my heart was heavy as I walked into work. I couldn’t shake the feeling. I’ve been having a hard time writing for the Lord lately because my mind is so consumed with looking for love. I thought I had found something real for it to end before anything began. With it I felt myself becoming angry and complaining. I don’t understand what’s going on and I feel like a pouting child that just wants what they want. 

I don’t understand what is going on. I do all the right things, I keep thinking if I just keep moving forward things will fall into place, just for that one thing to keep breaking down. I do my best to be the person God wants me to be, I keep doing the work and pushing forward. I don’t understand. Why is it not so simple? Honestly, it’s hard to worship when life is not the way I thought it should be, but I do it anyway. It’s hard praying to God, being vulnerable when the thing I want the most won’t work, I do it anyway. 

Typing these words, tears streaming, it doesn’t feel right but it has to be. I keep believing. I keep having the faith that it’s coming. I keep sowing into the hope Jesus says is only in knowing Him. I keep doing the work. I keep being obedient, it’s the only way. The rain continues falling, cleansing the earth of all its impurities. God is cleansing me, I know that what will grow due to His cleansing will be worth all the pain and waiting. It will be worth the times where it’s simply Him and I. It’s worth it. Continuing to walk in fear of Him is all I have, the rest is up to Him. I will not miss any opportunity to give Him worship.

He deserves my obedience whether I feel like it or not, at all times He brings me exactly what I need to do what He has designed.