herlucidlife

God was protecting me but I didn’t want to see it. God was removing me from the pitfall I was willingly jumping into, head first no parachute. Once again I was attracted to the wrong kind of man. I was putting myself in danger because a familiar spirit had come across my path. I couldn’t shake the feeling of attraction. When really I couldn’t shake the arousal of my lustful nature, still hiding in the background waiting to take me out of the will of God. He protected me. He removed the person. Momentary hurt emotions, soon faded. 

Speaking to my brother in Christ, he gave enlightenment I was ignoring due to things not going my way. I was being foolish in my thinking and childish in my response to God’s divine intervention. God could have let me fall but He didn’t. Looking back I am eternally grateful for the faithfulness God shows especially when I behave wretchedly. The night after I received a sobering warning from God through the mouth of my friend. I felt the arrogance and pride reeling inside my body. I asked God to remove those barriers so I could take heed to His wisdom. 

It hit me that I almost relapsed on a spiritual defect. I fell into the trap of ignoring discernment for a perceived benefit. Someone had come into my life trying to dress themselves as the angel of light when really they were called by a darker spirit. I had chosen the wrong person, staking my attraction on outward things, I was not truly looking at the spiritual fruit of this person’s life. I ignored the signs, chose to keep going when I knew I shouldn’t have. I’ve always put God to the wayside for a man. Since I’ve been dating I’ve always put God on the shelf and that person became the Higher Power in my life. 

So unaware living through life with blinders on, I do my best to learn God yet in that learning sometimes I struggle with actively using the wisdom to see the reality of those around me. God’s wisdom is protection and I had ignored God’s understanding to gain someone that would have undone me. God stopped it. My prayer today is that I use His voice and discernment to not even engage. I don’t want God to have to intervene when He’s already told me what to do. I need to listen and obey. I failed the test and admittedly I was wrong. I don’t want to keep doing that. 

When I came into recovery I was so scared of relapsing. Yet now I am more fearful of acting on toxic thought processes that would bring me out of the will of God thus forfeiting our relationship. Contrary to the worldly views, God will discard someone that constantly runs away from Him because each time they are choosing the world over God and soon He will give that person over to what they so desperately seek. I do not want to be thrown to the side, into the fire to be departed from God forever. As I live and breathe I beg God to help me stay in His pocket, obey with no thought and trust that His is greater than anything I could find on this earth.