herlucidlife

I’m writing these words because I simply need to remove emotions and thoughts from my mind. It only matters to me, yet I’ve always been a girl that noticed the details more than anything. He stopped looking. Posting to my SnapChat story a little more often because it was nice knowing he was still looking. The views stopped. Why?

Truth is even a little attention gives a small ego boost. That same ego was deflated when I saw he wasn’t watching. It’s a little difficult for me to write these because I can see how trivial it sounds. Moved out of the way, no longer speaking to me at work. The energy I was giving out when he said he no longer wanted to keep talking is being returned. 

Hurt feelings a little bit. Perhaps a lot if I’m being honest. On the ride home, I was reminded how God has fulfilled every promise in my life. Looking back God has never failed and has always provided. I wholeheartedly believe and have faith that He will provide this too. God has removed this person completely from my eyesight. He has also been encouraging me to not seek the validation they were bringing. 

God is showing me how to accept, surrender and ultimately let go of everything the situation included, especially the person. I get really attached to distractions, they’ve only served me well when I’ve learned the lesson. It finally hit me that by continuing to look and see if this person was watching me, I was not accepting reality. In fact, I was looking for something that wasn’t there because I didn’t want to surrender. 

The inward release is deeper than the outward reality. The acceptance further reminds me that I’m not where I want to be romantically yet I’m exactly where I need to be personally. In the midst of the little sadness I feel great freedom. Jesus says I can put my hope in Him, He is the hope that never fails. Change is occurring.