herlucidlife

There are times in my life where I feel super in tune with God’s will and voice. Then there are times when I feel so far away. Recently I’ve been far away. My mind has been very clouded though I’m doing the correct things. I feel my focus shifting to places and people it shouldn’t be on. In the past couple of weeks I’ve felt fear of missing out. 

As deep things are coming up, even the things I thought I had dealt with are coming up all over again. Some days I feel really fragile, while other days I feel like the Queen of the world. Pondering on the harsh truths my friend told me last night. I feel rather embarrassed, vulnerable and perhaps even upset with myself. 

The truth is meant to build up yet at the time of receiving it can feel as though it’s breaking things down. I felt beat down and stepped on. Isn’t it just like God to break down in order to build up. I’m very grateful for being broken gracefully because the come up is so miraculous. I was behaving in a way that was not pleasing to God. Very close to allowing emotions and lust to lead me down a path of unrighteousness. 

Graciously watching over me, pulling me back before I go too far. Chasing a man that does not want me. I could not see past the fantasies in my head. Trying to bring a lie into truth, it could have ended in ruin. The fear makes me scared and rigid, then eventually my mind forgets the truth and I fall backwards. 

The only thing I have to hold onto is God. Giving me the strength to continue doing the right things. Stepping into faith means not getting weary in doing good and knowing that it doesn’t have to benefit me to be correct.