herlucidlife

Every time we see each other our eyes meet, we grin and ask how the other is doing. I always like to think there’s something more under the surface. An unspoken feeling in my gut, something is different about you. Under the surface but felt deeply. I look for you at work. Disappointed at myself because I didn’t take the opportunity to speak to more. 

Talking it up in my head, mentally preparing myself to speak to you and then I could barely look your way. I felt horrible the whole day because I look forward to seeing you. Though we barely say words to each other it is the energy that is felt. I freaked myself out. I want you to know I’m interested and I never want to give the perception that I’m not. 

I’m very good at being polite yet horrible at hinting at being interested in a guy. Blunt, straight to the point is my approach. Sadly it takes a while for me to get to that point. I haven’t been doing well. In my head, obsessed and rather compulsive in my thinking. Too focused on what I can’t control. Deep down I know even these words are rather insane. I did something I should not have done because I was lying to myself. 

Willful ignorance is dangerous. Looking for love once again in someone that can not provide what I’m looking for. While all the while continuing to entertain because the vibe feels better than nothing at all. Just when I was getting used to being single, my little cat hanging close by. My little fur baby brings warmth to my life. It doesn’t always cover the true warmth I want but I’m learning to be content. 

The hardest part is walking away from people that don’t serve because they don’t have the capacity to do so.