herlucidlife

I’ve been feeling compassion fatigue lately. I love typing for a living. The action is therapeutic. Walking into work with a little bit of a deep sigh, the clientele can be draining at times. Purposely retreating, stuck in my little bubble. Constantly filtering unsatisfied members at work, needing a break from the grave effort I give to simple living. I’m finding myself standing still as those close to me cry for help. 

Instead of running to their aid, I stand silently in my own bubble. Looking the other way, no excuse for the behavior. At this time I don’t have the capacity or perhaps I do and I don’t want to use it. I haven’t come up with a reason but they all seem like excuses. I remember when I was going through things and needed a listening ear, it wasn’t too long ago maybe a couple weeks. I went to a meeting instead of going to friends. 

People are tired, we’re all carrying so much and sometimes it can feel rather draining going to individuals when there is a specific place for people to go to find emotional relief. With that being said, I can’t help feeling like a bad friend for not being emotionally available. Feels like I’ve been struggling in this area for some months now. There are moments when I muster up the strength to be encouraging to a friend going through while there are other times the questions have no answer.

Controlling the symptoms does not treat the root cause. For so long I wanted to control the symptoms wondering why flare ups kept happening.  I’m healing the root, letting go of the symptoms. Sometimes I’ve looked so long at the signs I began believing they were the original issues, but they were simply a distraction from the real. There’s no end goal when fighting against life. The internal battle ends when I take my last breath and the next life begins. 

So take the necessary breaks, pace yourself because life has only just begun.