herlucidlife

Emotional eating is damaging my body. I kill myself in the gym to then eat like a pig. My skin is breaking out from all the sugary drinks. My body is so sensitive, if I drink surgery sodas and juices for too long my body tests for pre-diabetic. What? All from too many sugary drinks for maybe a month and a half. I feel like crying and just leaving. 

I want to run and ignore what needs to be done. I want to ignore health, emotions, and every responsibility. I want to detach. Life will bring things whether taken care of or not. I’m at the age where things are coming into play, the onset age. I can’t ignore my health or it will come crashing down. 

When I think about my health, I always think of my cat. I think about who will take care of her if something happens to me? How will her routine change if I’m not stable? I don’t want to change her life because I continue to make wrong decisions. Creating consequences that can absolutely be avoided. 

I’m so good with moving my body, yet when it comes to not putting certain things into my body. I start good then I get lazy. I get complacent, thinking “it’s okay this time” then that time turns into four more times in a row and now it’s a pattern. I signed up for this health coach opportunity free of charge through my job. Someone to really help me manage my weight, blood pressure and overall health. 

I need hands-on coaching, going to the doctor every three months isn’t enough for me. I need more and I’m thankful my job offers it with no charge to the employee. I haven’t prayed about it yet. I’m hoping God will keep me diligent because even with hands-on assistance, no one can make me do anything. No one is with me twenty-four seven, only God and I. I need and want help.

Though there are days I think it would be easier to die then keep going. I also think of my little bun, friends and family that would hurt. I think, “who’s going to take care of Mimi?” Even if not for myself I want to be healthy for her. Eventually I will learn how to be healthy for myself. It’s not all bad, yet there’s so much growth I could be doing.

It’s time to go to work. For real.