herlucidlife

I received a rather unfavorable grade on my first paper for school. I believed I had done the best I could to soon find out my best was absolutely not up to par. Reading the corrections and constructive criticism, it took my appetite away. I had to talk myself down and remember it was not personal but educational. If I want to make it in this profession I must be able to take in what I’ve done wrong and correct. Regaining my appetite after talking to myself, the critics have not left my mind. 

Doing my best to write a paper for another class, the thoughts of the past critics were stuck in my head creating anxiety. I’m so nervous to do badly that it’s hindering me from doing anything at all. Instead of pecking away at the paper I needed to take a break to jot down how I’m feeling. Messing up is a part of the process. Fresh on this road, I desperately want to jump ship. Is it really worth it ? Honestly I’m not sure. 

I look down the road and can’t see myself being a therapist yet that is what I’m in school for. Driving down the road to my N.A. meeting, feeling depleted. Thinking over the day and the emotions it brought up, something hit me. I’ve been so focused on the end goal I forgot about the process. I’ve been so focused on being a therapist I forgot all the lessons God is showing me on the road to becoming. 

What if this lesson is not about the profession but about the tool. This process of education is simply another extraction tool to remove what is hindering me on a full scale. Doing my best to get back on track, reminding myself of the bigger goal at hand. I’ve been so focused on what is in front of me, I almost forgot the bigger picture…becoming who God wants me to be. I do not want to be going to school, yet the thought of walking away from the road God has set in front of me seems more unbearable. 

Keep walking.