herlucidlife

While visiting my family, I could feel the low self-esteem coming into my mind. Getting in my head, thinking people are watching how much I’m eating. I felt self conscious for no reason at all. Beginning to feel puffy, driving home the feeling stayed in my mind. The emotions were so heavy today, feeling down on myself. Feeling my chest create a sensation. I never want a tragedy to happen before I do something different. 

I say I want to look a certain way and feel a certain way in my body but I don’t truly do everything I can to create that reality. I say I do while not having discipline in my eating. I say I do while still eating high sugary foods and not moving my body enough outside of workouts. I’m not doing my best and I sit with the lie I tell myself so I can stay comfortable in the cycle, while I’m uncomfortable in my body. 

I felt so bloated and puffy at work, my toes felt swollen and tight. In my head pecking at the computer completing chat requests. Calling a supervisor to filter a request, he asked, “are you okay? You sound like you’re falling asleep.” Answering back, “no, I’m feeling low today.” Giving his well wishes, I couldn’t help but feel so ugly. I know it’s not the truth, hear me. Emotions don’t always go along with the known truth. 

Getting off from work, going to the grocery store to buy fruit, vegetables, protein and healthy snacks for the next couple weeks. Fridge looking like a rainbow, I’m set on eating everything in the fridge. I’m set on doing what I said I was going to do in order to create the reality I want within my body. It’s more than looking a certain way, it’s feeling healthier, it’s deeper mobility,  it’s lower inflammation and bloating. 

For a moment I considered getting the GLP-1 shots, yet that would be taking a seemingly “easier” way out while not knowing exactly what I am putting in my body. Regardless of whether I’m taking a weight loss shot or not, the root cause is my decision making. My decision making around food is emotional and craving centered. Making healthy decisions in that kind of state is very difficult. Yet, it’s making my life unmanageable, specifically my body. 

If I continue down the road I’m going with my eating at some point there may not be another opportunity to do better. The chance to do better is now. Watching my uncle move as smoothly as he had when he was younger gave me great encouragement to do more and be consistent in the doing. Having adopted a healthier way of life due to wanting to have a better quality of life while on this earth. Some things have to be given up in order to have that life. 

Everything can not be entertained or partaken in when one wants to have a certain quality of life. God is showing me so clearly that there are certain behaviors that have to be cut out all together. One is too many and a thousand never enough, that statement does not only apply to drugs. For me it applies to every behavior that makes my life unmanageable in any area of my life. When one area is lacking it will affect all the others.