herlucidlife

Ezekiel chapter thirty-seven, speaks of the valley of dry bones that God raised. Imagine bones so dry they are almost dust. Ezekiel standing in the valley with the presence of God instructing him to prophesy to the movement of the bones. Bones began forming, cracking, coming together forming blood, meat and flesh. Standing numerous as an army, nothing was breathing. God spoke to Ezekiel, “prophesy to the breath.” Bodies began to breathe. Lifeless bodies began to take in oxygen. Returning those that had been dead and gone back home. 

“Prophesy to the breath” has been on my mind since reading that chapter a month ago. I think about all the people that are living but aren’t truly breathing. I think about the times I’ve walked this earth living but not truly breathing for God’s purpose. I think of all the times joy was stolen because all I could see was what I lacked. God prophesies to my breath daily. With every rise from my slumber He speaks to me lungs to awaken to rise to take in oxygen and release. 

My life has often felt like a valley of dry bones, things that were once dead and gone coming back to life. Dreams, ideas, passions and hobbies…gone. Relationships had stopped breathing, God given purpose that was once left barren due to disobedience stopped breathing. God is bringing me back to life. He’s bringing certain thoughts back to life, He’s bringing love back to life, ambition back to life. Most importantly He’s bringing the yearning to do well because of Him back to life. 

To this day I struggle with treating God like a character to my life story, rather than seeing myself as a character in His life story. It’s so easy to leave God on the back burner when things are going good, it’s so easy to reach for others when emotions are too heavy and daily life feels overwhelming. I often forget to go to Jesus when it’s too much to bear because I’m scared to let Him hold it. I’m scared to let Him hold me. Though being with Him is the most love I’ve ever felt. 

I’ll eat until my belly is tight before going to God with my woes. I’ll masturbate before going to God with my emotions. I’ll watch my favorite movie on repeat before I cast my cares to Jesus. I’ll lose myself watching a YouTube video before abiding in the presence of Jesus. I’m not good at abiding with Him in the midst of the emotions, though I cry to Him after I’ve chosen destruction. I’ve been really hard on myself lately. The truth is I don’t know how to not be hard on myself.