herlucidlife

I’ve been holding on pretty well. Staying the course doing my best to not get distracted. Deleted Facebook dating after two days. The urge to not want to be bothered was too great. Most days I’m very content with my life. Then other times I’m yearning for some kind of romantic companionship. Nothing for the moment, I’m praying the moment turns into a lifetime. 

Chatting with one person I matched with, feeling no urge to do anything. No urge to meet, no urge to give really any effort. I’ve become so bored and traumatized from dating the wrong person that I immediately think every guy I like is the wrong guy. Cutting it off early because in the past I didn’t listen, it could have all been avoided. 

Hypersensitive to God’s voice. Staying the course. Feeling numb in that area of my life. Every now and then a bit of loneliness pops in then I remember how much I enjoy myself. I’ve learned to create an energy, space, and vibe that I love to dwell in. I’ve learned I can want love and be okay with myself. The emotions don’t have to cancel each other out. Unfortunately, with all the growth God has given, I still find my mind drifting to a darker time with him. 

Z was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I was so blinded in the past now it’s all I can see. Quiet, the waters between the two are so still it could pass for concrete. Yet he creeps into my thoughts, nothing he’s done. A non-factor to my life, no love, no longer needed. A soul tie happened without sex. It was attached through emotions, through what I thought was a genuine connection. It was a lie.