herlucidlife

Lies can’t be erased though the story can be set straight. Deception makes the heart hurt worse than honest detachment. To detach yourself with honesty is better than to deceive in effort to selfishly control. I was not loved by him, he wanted to control me. 

Innocent,naive little face. Seeming as though I’ve been through nothing at all. I want intimacy. Physical intimacy is easy, getting beyond surface level is the hard part. Sitting at my desk, a slow day at the call center. Waiting for a chat bubble to pop up, gazing out the window, bobbing to music. I whispered softly to God, “I want intimacy.” 

I want closeness and perhaps I’m doing it wrong. The love I feel from God hasn’t taken away the yearning for an earthly partner. Perhaps it’ll always be there. Most days I feel completely content, unbothered even then a little low comes my way. Clinging to doing good, walking with God. Him and I quietly walking through life, a Father and His little girl holding hands down the road. 

Sometimes I break away to look at distractions though I always come back. I know what I want. Will it come sooner or later or neither? God knows and it’s for me to find out.