herlucidlife

Sitting on the toilet at work, thinking about the idea of “knowing” when you’ve met the one. I’m beginning to believe there really isn’t a “knowing” and more of a choice. A decision made to be with someone depending on the qualities they have. Every time I thought I’d found the one or had a “knowing” I was wrong. 

If anything I ignored “knowing” that person was not the person. What does it feel like to know? Is it the absence of a feeling? I’m not sure anymore. I hear so many things, the guy should approach the girl, the girl should approach the guy. The idea that it really doesn’t matter who approaches who. The thing is I’m not sure I trust my picker anymore. 

I know who not to date but do I know who to do? What does that feel like? Rather confused. I just don’t do anything. I’m so scared to make the wrong choice. I’m so scared to get sucked in that I stay in the shallow end, barely in the water at all. Looking at the things I see, the conversations I overhear, sometimes it feels safer alone, though I know that’s fear. 

The thought has been heavy on my mind, perhaps another distraction from where my mind really needs to be. Some days are truly a deep sigh of negative thoughts and inhaling of an godly thoughts.