herlucidlife

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, thought you could handle me but turns out you couldn’t. Never really feeling love, me giving my all for you seemed scary, so you left me. Karma came to my doorstep in a hurry, leaving no brick unturned, this pain hurt more than anything. You weren’t only my best friend but you were my passion, a comfort in the storm. I never knew you thought so little of our friendship, of me. 

You don’t seem to care about how cold you’ve been, you don’t seem to care about how you stomped my heart out, leaving me on the ground bleeding. You ate me alive and spit me out, like stale gum the sweetness faded, you no longer wanted me not even a little bit. Now here I am crying over spilt milk, while there is another who knows I deserve this karma. I created this pain with my own two hands, I ran over his soul with my car, turning cold towards him immediately when my feelings were revealed. Crazy how the same thing happened to me just weeks later. 

You didn’t have to do me that way but you chose it anyway, never letting me in, you never really trusted me. You just wanted anything that was skin deep so you could imagine that it was deeper. I did nothing wrong to you, yet you treat me worse than a stranger. But I deserve the hand I’ve been dealt, behaving poorly is not rewarded but disciplined. 

I’m having a grueling time letting you go, I’m not ready. Though you hurt me I still love you more than well, my own sanity, clearly. Doesn’t seem like you have the guts to tell me you can’t be my friend anymore, the emotions are too heavy, I get it. I just thought that maybe you had enough respect to tell me to my face, instead of being distant and cold. 

It’s okay, I won’t bother you anymore, I won’t share my affection obviously it’s too heavy for you. I crave running to you for any and everything, distance doesn’t matter to me but all you wanted was convenience.  You were never ready for something real, even when it fell in your lap and cared for you tenderly. You lied to me, said “I would never leave”, said “I love you” but really you just wanted to feel needed, until you no longer needed me. Attention seeking, brought us together. I loved your attention, and you loved mine until feelings got caught. 

Maybe you feel like I do, but I can’t assume that because your actions say you only love me for the superficial, and now they say you love me for nothing. Maybe I saw what I wanted to see, maybe I’m delusional for ever thinking you were a genuine person. But it’s cool, it’s mortifying at best, but I guess if you’re happy then it really doesn’t matter how I feel. 

Karma came rushing in, she stung me good and hard, I deserve it. So thank you for being the one to deal the fatal blow to my heart. I hope it was entertaining.