herlucidlife

Could you tell me why time has never been able to stop you from coming my way? You’ve always been one of the humans that can make my mood shift into downward or upward spirals. Stealing my eyes that very first day on campus, intrigued became wanting, turning into obtained, special moments crammed into the cavities of my heart. No such thing as “move on” if you’ve always been there. Loyal to none loyal to all, seems like I’m starting over at square one, feels nice here. 

My life has been someone else’s life for several years now, I’m not coping well with the wreckage looking to shade under another tree. Behooved at how I mustered enough strength to walk into a situation than to look down my own path and grow my own position. Four months and the breath is still out of my body, I’m not sure why it’s taking so long to get my emotions back inside my being. If you encounter me now, you’ll see every scar that brought me here, you’ll see every piece of artery looking to be touched. 

To rendezvous with me is to be felt with the deepest sentiments, storing you in my heart, it’s the first thing you touch. I needed to talk to remind myself of what life is really for, God’s glory. I’ve not been operating in a way that feels godly but He seems to be moving me in a direction that feels more safe. Always safe with God let me say I feel the shadow of death less in this direction. I was beginning to feel shame for focusing on you, for allowing things I want to lay still. When really I need this slow pace, I need this crept crawl to release the emotions that have clouded my judgment. 

I like to think no one is benefiting from my words but me, but I’m hoping you the reader are being comforted because you bless me more than I could ever bless you. Fearful that maybe I didn’t touch enough lives on this earth, please tell Jesus I impacted you in some way when you meet Him…as we all will. I’ll do the same for you. We spiritual beings need the comfort of knowing we’re in this together because we are. Hating that my plight in life has been removing the distraction of eye candy from my view, it’s deeper than vision, it’s how my mind copes with life when it feels weary. I see how the seeds planted when a little girl have manifested into current life problems. 

The field has changed, in the past my mind was the only foe, now that foe has material beings to mingle with, the territory has shifted though my psyche likes pretending we’re still little girls daydreaming.