herlucidlife

Have you ever felt in your gut the person you needed was right under your nose? Have you ever felt like you overlooked that person so much because they were possibly just not what you were looking for yet they possessed everything you asked God for? Straight off the dome into the heart, I’m nervous that perhaps you may be that being God has called me too. Now! Do not mistake my words for me looking for love, heck no!…This is purely an observation and a tugging of the spirit on my conscience. I normally throw dreams away, I don’t like to dwell as they’re never really clear cut and dry.

I’ve always known this person was a possibility yet my young self would rather be held by “cuteness” than by genuine concern for well being because rare beauty is tucked away like a secret inside and out. Tip toeing around the bend I really don’t want to be blunt or straight forward. Nervous to say what I’m really thinking because then it’ll become real yet figments of the imagination have been yelling in a higher pitch sense back in your presence. Not saying these words in an effort to rush rather I needed to vent to release some things off my chest. 

My dearest friend, my brother, I listen to you talk and I hear the subtle queues in your word placement when forming sentences that hint at you hearing the same non verbal confirmation. If honest, my mind  and soul have always felt something slightly unfriendly around the aura present when together. Not a hindrance, not an ugly feeling really it’s one of genuine concern for welfare. Beginning to shift in my mind, views are liking to shift into something else. Trusting you with my life, I’d never allude to any sort of confirmation in my depth for you call me sister. 

Treading lightly with emotional baggage, I’d rather keep a closed mouth and allow God’s plan to be divine confirmation than to speak and soil any goodness. I’ve been down this road before and it was very unappetizing to lose someone I’d thought would be in my corner for life. Sounding foolish, how can I bank on life when I don’t control my breath for the next hour let alone for survival. I’ve always felt a tug in my spirit to keep you close not in effort to obtain but in an experience to never lose sight of the blessing you are to my spirit. 

Friendship means more to me than marriage itself, it means more to me than air for if we’re friends I authentically love who you are as a person. Outside of salvation someone’s soul is the greatest gift there is both from the Heavenly Father. I have to confess I feel He’s placed you in my life for a specific reason, and I in your life for a reason. Right now that pure reason is love beyond expression, for how can you ever truly express how someone has touched your essence. Nothing physical, really I look for the purity in human connection that has nothing to do with skin. Skin is temporary yet the imprint on the soul is eternal.

Don’t be alarmed by my speech, really I may be delusional yet I’m normally correct when I listen to the heart of the Holy Spirit, located in my gut under the heart cavity. No cover being blown, I had run from the notion for so long, things have happened and now the idea doesn’t seem so far fetched. Never questioning who God uses, brings, or allows to exit really its all provisionally divine in nature. So I sit back…enjoying my time on earth, enjoying my time as sister, and enjoying watching every good thing unfold. For when on track with God’s plan everything happens how it should. Gratefully, I’ll not have to fight for anything that’s already mine.