herlucidlife

Sadness has been on my shoulder for a while, not overwhelming but always present like a shadow. Wanting to run away, inner walls of the house making things stick to my mind. Tingling shooting down the leg, sensations of your departure have begun to appear.  A specific person and people come into my brain when I’m lonely. Not bringing comfort, they further undo progress. No longer wanting to focus on you, I hear my cry for help. 

Enjoyment does not equal care and it showed in your actions. Been thinking a lot about loving myself, I can’t let men play with me but most importantly I can’t play with myself. Not as bad off as I’d like to think I’m having trouble expressing my off putting attitude. Excited yet nervous for the road ahead, every single time I look forward to doing better for myself it seems the devil hears my intention and wants to demolish anything looking like godly living. 

Battling myself I’ve been in the house looking at my psyche. Jesus spoke to me today, He laid words in my heart because all I could hear were my own lies. So focused on living right I took my eyes off living freely with Jesus. I’ve been chasing the feeling of being “okay.” I’m in love with the thought of being whole and healed. Unfortunately I stopped acknowledging Who I walk with, Jesus houses and has already gifted me healing and wholeness through having faith in Him. Lacking contentment for the space I currently reside in, how can I chase Who is holding my hand? 

Already walking in the midst of everything I need, I’m actually running away from safety. I’ve always been in a rush to obtain everything I’ve ever wanted, whether that be a relationship, marriage, moving forward, or being well within myself; it’s created a sense of rushing but what I’m looking for has no identity. Perhaps I’m rushing past who and what I need because how can I search for something I don’t know of? Not familiar with the details meaning I can’t be sure of what I’m reaching for and now I see I don’t need to reach for anything. Jesus is holding me and I have faith I’m holding Him, regardless of what I’ve done my hands are full of faith, gratitude and favor from above. 

Clearing my mind of the muck, You love me based on the Love in Your heart and the faith and belief in mine. No actions needed you cleansed me with Your blood, you continue to save me daily from the ways of my messed up mind. Thank You, I really need You!