herlucidlife

Discipline requires consistent practice, diligence to the details mapped out in every routine in my mind, humble awareness of the lack I may have. Weakness is housed in the body before discipline is strengthened. Lame are the legs and feet, to walk the way of Christ is to have those things healed rather than severed. Lack of discipline creates weariness in the mind and body, thinking that all life has to offer is being thrown too and fro like tumbleweed. Sobriety is an everyday, moment by moment choice. Choosing the betterment of self, just as picking up my cross denying myself the fleshly pleasures of this world. Part of the cross I have to bear is choosing a clear mind and conscience. This battle does not belong to me but God, all that is housed in my being is the choice to be obedient or disobedient. 

Listening to the struggles of others facing the road I’m on is empowering. Knowing another addict was able to stay clean, being able to live through the emotions of life. Some walking through tunnels I’d never imagined but somehow God is allowing them to stand. He is doing the same for me. Seeing God’s grace be so sufficient in another’s life has shown me that true living is being able to accept everything with a sober and open mind. Existing in a fog of substance isn’t living but it’s walking around as a living dead zombie. The real me never surfacing but choked to almost death had I allowed for this substance to take me down. Rather than focusing on how addicted I was or am, it would be more beneficial to think of the array of colors living clear brings. Enjoying everything fully, not watered down by elixirs that cure nothing but health. 

Being mindful to always keep God at the forefront of my walk. He is the One leading me. My voyage is only healing with Him, it’s only productive when doing what He says, it’s only a blessing to others if I stick with Him through every valley and hilltop. Teaching my mind to take substance off the table, somethings should never be an option in my life. Rewiring my mind to see substance as dangerous rather than fun, why would I ever reward myself with something that could kill me? And at this point in my life I would have let it had it not been for the people who care about me coming alongside because they saw something that needed tending too. Grateful, thankful for the helpful souls in my life because they’ve taught me how to grant grace to myself. 

I never knew what it felt like to love myself truly how God loves me, but then I look at the faces of those that never looked at me differently after hearing my struggles. God never looks at me in despair but He pulls me closer instead because He knows a broken heart in His child needs tenderness to be corrected. So thank you God for sending Yourself both in divine and human form. Witnessing Your goodness I can make the voyage up the hill.