herlucidlife

Fragile is a mindset that is felt in the emotions and heart. Sometimes the days run together and they feel like weeks. God please help me to see Your hand moving even when my feelings want to stay blind. Father please help my heart know Your presence even when my thoughts want to stay in a sunken place. The Most High praise belongs to You even when my voice can only muster up one word. Help me to seek you when my feet get weary and also when dancing enters my body. Allow understanding to enter my mind when I have trouble releasing the past. Not every encounter needs to work the way I see fit. For if things went the way I wanted too I would be dead in the ground for my plans are futile and disgusting at best. 

Knowing that my plans are only centered on the wants and very few needs, most housed my the evil desires of my flesh. You know exactly what I want and need, what it takes to be everything You’ve called me to be. I don’t know what the road looks like or holds, yet give me courage to know what happened and happens is in Your divine artwork. I couldn’t have even imagined it for even that is limited until You open it up to Your design. My heart aches at love lost but it aches even more at the hand I played in making sure it left my side. Sabotaging myself left and right You’ve made sure that it was towards those that didn’t house the same spiritual company You do. 

Holding onto things that should’ve been released, teach me to be okay with what You take away and give. I just got a little giddy about being single. Crazy how just yesterday I was sad about not having that special person, now to feel at peace in my path knowing I’m being prepared for them and vice versa. Don’t take that statement as me thinking that meeting that person is the end goal of our lives, rather it’s simply a milestone on the journey of sharing the gospel of God’s love in this life. There’s only a certain amount of healing we can obtain on our own, the rest will be unlocked when true love, divine love is placed into our midst. I had a thought in the kitchen the other day, God is protecting me from destroying a good thing because of the defects I hold today. 

Not only could I not handle tainting someone else with my foolishness and pain, I also would not be able to handle the extra wounds it would cause when it ends. There’s protection, love and grace in God’s timing. Rushing past His will is willingly walking into dangerous territory, my life doesn’t just affect me but every person that comes into my energy. The most loving thing I could do is stay the course, trust God, allow Him to heal the parts of me that need mending while single and then I truly believe God will bring that person to me when I’ve reached the level He is satisfied with. Make no mistake, I no longer willingly breathe lies into my mind. I no longer fester on breaking my own heart any further. Instead I trust, believe and have faith that the greatest love story I will know will first be the one God and I create together. Then one day He will bring the physical embodiment to my life, until then I will love myself, filling my cup that it overflows. For I can’t give away what I don’t possess myself.