herlucidlife

Don’t look at me crazy if it takes my mind a little longer to shut up. She doesn’t usually get the hint quickly. I’ve applied my step one to thinking about him. Anything that is used in the same obsessive compulsive nature like I used drugs is documented in my step work that I may heal from it. I love my sponsor. Our connection and trust is growing so organically. Having so much in common, our war stories and experiences help each other. A trusted confidant in recovery and in life because let’s be real recovery affects every part of life just as my addiction did. 

Stepping into the solution with my crush. Doing the necessary work to ease my mind and regain some focus. The care I have for this person would be a solid foundation for a beautiful friendship. Felt God telling me to be honest with him. My sponsor confirmed the voice I heard from God. Moving in the correct direction, I can now begin to create an environment that houses truth and vulnerability…my favorite spiritual characteristics. 

Not rushing into it with emotions unhinged. Intentional, thoughtful, and concern for the other person is my main goal. Honesty doesn’t need to be scary when the heart is genuine and true. Wellness and wholeness is what I pray over him everyday. I struggle with mental battles that most people will never see or hear me talk about and I know the same stands for him. Battles and wars fought tirelessly in the brain. The battlefield is gruesome, ugly and bloodied with emotions and thoughts yet here we kneel at the feet of Jesus looking for His direction. 

Too much alike, I empathize because I directly understand the inner workings of some of his mind because it directly resembles my own. I won’t put words in his mouth and assume anything like I’ve done in the past. The energy says, “I like you.” While my fantasy mind could paint white into red reading signs incorrectly due to blinding rose colored glasses. Stepping into the solution, I will look behind the curtain as Dorothy did with Oz. 

The secret usually isn’t nearly as big once the mask is taken off. Life is easier to manage when my head is on the concrete and not in the clouds. I’m excited to release myself from my personal love prison, accept what God will give and move on with all the information I need. I’m hopeful, doing my best to be positive, all while holding onto God’s will to be done above all else.