herlucidlife

I get to be around me constantly, that’s a blessing. The greatness and miracle that my life is does not stop being true because my honey is a little absent right now. Grace is being supportive regardless of what I want at the moment. Care is sending love from afar because I do love this person. I get irritated and upset because I value our connection so much, yet I’m not reckless with my speech to cause any harm. 

It took a couple hours but I was able to work myself down from upset to understanding of the responsibilities on his side of the street. I can be selfish only looking at how I’m feeling yet that’s not how life works. Sending him support because it makes me feel good and it’s what I’d want my person to do for me. It’s not about receiving it in return yet it’s about giving freely because it doesn’t hurt to love him, it makes me happy. I can not only think about my emotions. Being of good service to him means giving encouragement, kindness, empathy, and emotional maturity by maintaining my mental health. 

In the past I would have drowned any guy in my emotional instability and let my tongue be reckless in speech. Yet today, I’m honest with myself and turn to writing a healthy outlet. I go to my N.A. home group and share with fellow addicts the struggles in my mind. They understand the obsession to compulse over anything and any person. It’s not healthy yet God has given me healthy tools to use that grant mental reprieve. 

I miss my person yet with God He helped me reprocess my anger into compassion. In the grand scheme of the day I was only in a way for 2 hours…the rest of the day was spent in serenity living a quiet life that feeds my soul. Sometimes I think I’m not doing enough or living loudly enough. Am I really living life the way I want too? Yes. There’s also more I want to do, yet let’s sit and be grateful for this blessed season first before rushing into the next.