herlucidlife

I got left. No notice, no verbal warning, no heads up. Silence. Never returning a call or text message. I went through his mother to force a reply. My boyfriend of five months just simply stopped…ghosted. Embarrassed because I moved my life to be with this person but God knew I had outgrown the place I used to reside in. Some friends let me know I had nothing to be ashamed of because my actions had not warranted that type of treatment. No regrets, leaving everything on the table. I gave my all even in fear and anxiety. I’m proud of the love I gave. My heart hurts, my worst nightmare came true. Everyday is a reminder of the bittersweetness of my life. 

I stopped texting him after two weeks of no reply. Begging for any semblance of life…suppose I wasn’t worth that to him. I should not have to beg. Yet God is showing me that I am worth full. Full of worth, full of deserving and full of majestic love. Each day I put my feet on the floor, heart on the pavement yet I go to work and give my all. Receiving encouragement and well wishes of the excellent work I do. This man has stopped nothing. Reading my word, hearing the voice of God in everything…He is so patient with me even when I ask for confirmation that the relationship has ended…He answers every prayer with love and tenderness. My God is sweeter than honey. Moving my body, exercising out in the sun or rain with my umbrella. I walk to my local park smiling, whispering the promises of God.

He is my constant. So many lovers have passed through my life, family and parents have died, friends have changed, life paths are no longer the same. But God has always been there, shifting the seasons, turning the tides. His love has never become shallow but only deeper. We have become closer as Father and daughter. He is and will remain, I am and will remain in Him. Words are my safe place, my haven to release tension. I gained acceptance into a program, Bachelors of Science Creative Writing focusing on Journalism. Sharpening my passion, using this tool. I’m excited. I see so clearly how God is forming life into my wildest dreams.

Some pain on the road but as long as it’s God’s will then it’s always necessary for the next step. God used him to get me out of Texas. He also used him to jump start my healing. One can only take so many failed relationships until enough is enough. I’m finally ready to sit down and get to know and nurture my longest relationship…God and I.