herlucidlife

I do my best to protect my recovery like a newborn baby. I left school to take better care of her. I repositioned myself to be intentional about the growth inside of me. Right now healing means doing healthy simple things consistently until one day the change is evident. Settling into life, doing my best to be comfortable with just me. Enjoying my alone time is not the meaning of being comfortable with myself, but it’s knowing I am okay with no man standing next to me. It’s knowing I am full without anyone else’s approval and acceptance. 

I can honestly say I am not okay with myself yet but I will be. One day I will be able to stand tall on my own without looking for a man, without looking for validation. A year clean looks gorgeous on me. My skin is glowing, my teeth are whiter and my eyes have never been brighter. I glow from within. Doing my best to stay vigilant, relapse is one bad decision away every single day. Doing the work keeps the right decision appealing and the wrong decision appalling. 

Everyday is another day full of emotional and spiritual healing. Every second is an opportunity to show up as myself, dumbing nothing down. Every breath is appreciated because I remember what it felt like to be so disgusted with myself I wanted to stop breathing immediately. I look at the sun, the blue skies, the cloudy days and I feel okay. I feel blessed, no matter the emotions swirling I know I’m exactly where I need to be. I can not express enough gratitude for God. When I look back over my life, His faithfulness is unmatched. No one can hold a candle to His rich love. 

Chasing me, His favor over my life like a shield. Protecting me from danger even when I chose to dance with the evil one. God saved my life through the blood of Jesus, one of His tools is recovery. I’ll never be able to say thank you enough, yet I pray I do my best to live it every single moment.