herlucidlife

This July will mark a year that I’ve been living in a new state. God is so awesome! He gave me everything I needed to maintain a stable healthy life. Living alone, financially responsible, holding a job, being reliable and trustworthy in my position. God put the correct people in my life at work, at church and in my recovery. I’ve gained sisterhood and safety, each friend nurturing my soul, they bring fullness to my life. When God says go, He will provide everything needed for the ride. An emotional rollercoaster, walking into waters that seemed uncertain. All I have is the hand of God holding me up because if He ever let go I’d sink faster than a ship anchor. Thankfully! Even through my struggles He is here. His love is faithful even when I am not. I came to this new city with a thousand dollars in my pocket. The first day I spent seven hundred of it on room and board. Having to pay fees to cut utilities off at my old residence. God worked things out. I never missed a bill, never went without food and a hot shower.

Doing Uber Eats delivery driving for two months, putting several thousand miles on my car. I qualified for an apartment. God was right there every single time, opening doors I never thought would open. Crying, sobbing in the car from doubt back to faith and healing from a broken heart. God used a man that would walk out on me to be a huge asset in getting me on my feet. We all share a purpose in each other’s lives, seasons come and go, people shift and fade. As long as the purpose is completed, the pathway is made clear. Time flew by and the biggest change has been on the inside. I trust myself more than I ever have. Being able to do hard things, to push through the in-between times, truly believing that something better was on the other side. Crazy how a small amount of doubt helped fuel my faith to grow even deeper. The moment I began to question the process I’d dig deep into my faith and believe that God has made a way. 

A month after I moved into my apartment I got hired at my current job. Full medical and dental benefits with a medical expense card, along with free assistance for team members such as therapy. Working with people that care about me including a boss in recovery. Miracles happened in my life that I never knew I needed but God saw I would. I knew this move would be everything I needed. Now I see what I truly needed was to see the hand of God moving in my life vividly. God kept me grounded; He used my recovery to anchor my feet. Life went in throws, things flipped upside down then right side up and I never used drugs. I felt every emotion to its max capacity and never drowned myself. Thoughts may have crossed my mind and quickly slipped away; nothing is worth getting high over. 

God is amazing! He holds me accountable and drives my consistency forward. He’s kept me clean. Here I am, an emotional human being with a faith growing from a mustard seed to the size of a large watermelon. Stretching, fear falling off, relaxing because I no longer need to rush through life. Contentment is returning and no matter what happens I know I am good with God.