herlucidlife

Sitting on the floor at home, scrolling through jobs on Indeed. Nothing peaking my interest, applying to things that could possibly be something yet there is no excitement for the positions. Some days I want to quit my job, other days I just want a paycheck to take care of my home. Applying for leadership positions at my current workplace, nothing has fallen into place. Something in me is saying create my own lane, I’m not sure how to widen that lane. Yet I do know it takes doing something different. 

Advice given, listening intently to what others have said. Perhaps it’s the stubbornness yet I know Who I want to create for and a little of how He wants me to go about it. Brainstorming with my friend, bouncing ideas off each other. I hate saying “brand” yet I’m looking to create an attraction. An attraction to a different way of life can not look like everything else. Saying the right things to sound good but genuinely I’m scared to put myself out there yet even more scared to not try. Hitting another wall like life is getting boring, like there has to be something more fulfilling than this. 

People close to me say I’m made for more and they’re right, I don’t believe anyone can fathom what that “more” is. Worry, anxiety, fear that I’m not doing enough rather than having faith that God can do miracles with my little. I don’t know if I should do something different or keep doing what I’m doing. Been thinking, I know God hears my thoughts, having a difficult time starting. Super focused on making money, it’s the writing that grounds me and reminds me that God’s glory is not bound to my bank account.  

His goodness has continually reigned in my life. I know what I need to do, knock on every door He tells me to because He will open the right door, but if I stop knocking no door will open.