herlucidlife

Snow falling in clusters. Purposely sleeping on the couch, the night before so I could wake up to flurries at my balcony door. Slow morning and afternoon, laying around until my limbs were ready to be lifted. Cleaning up one of Mimi’s accidents made sure I would not be going back to sleep. Winter wonderland outside my door, free from the cycles of work for one day, staying cozy inside the house. The term “foundational faith” was floated this week as I watched a YouTube Live by Morgan Tracy J. Earlier in the week, looking for a YouTube video to watch on my lunch break she happened to be live. At first reluctant to watch, I’m thankful I did because I heard a term that would have me looking inward and upward. Speaking to her audience answering a viewer’s question, I began thinking of how my faith has led me to do scary things while also kept me from doing even bigger things. 

Fast forwarding back to the current Winter wonderland, I couldn’t help but continue thinking about this phrase. Doing my best to focus on God’s word, my mind would not be quiet. Jazz music playing calmly from the tv, the quiet hissing of dripping faucets in the background. My mind would not focus on the word of God. I began to pray out loud. God is always in the room; I just need to talk to Him. Speaking to Him out loud usually makes me cry. He is the only being I feel safe with to blubber cry, He is the only one that sees the exact extent of my heart, soul, and cares. Because He cares for me, I lay it all down. Speaking honestly about what was keeping me from focusing on His word, it was the damage to my foundational faith. Foundational faith is simply believing ten toes down that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and with that I am God’s Daughter. It is belief in the fundamentals of God’s holiness, righteousness, faithfulness and trust. It is believing Who He is with all His vast greatness, is what makes me Who I am. Furthermore, it is knowing that nothing and no one can change those truths. 

I have dreams that only God can fulfill. I have dreams that burn a hole in my soul, so much so I hate going to my job. I am constantly late because I am forcing myself to be somewhere I no longer want to be. I’ve seen God catch me when I left my last job with no job lined up. I watched God provide my home when I had no place to call home in another state. I watched God work; I saw Him bless the dedication and hard work He put in me. He made a dream come true. So why am I scared to do it again? Sometimes I think I used all the courage and faith I had on that first leap of faith. I know I have more in me still it has not stopped the fear from being present. My foundational faith has taken a hit and perhaps it was me becoming comfortable in my new life that I forgot how to use courage and faith. I want God to show me the next step while I stand safe inside looking through the window, nodding my head “okay.”

God said I have to walk on the water with Him, only looking at Him. I’m scared the bills won’t get paid, but I’ve seen Him provide when I had nothing at all. I don’t know if I’m disciplined enough to make the dream work. God reminds me that it’s not about what I can do, it is about what He can do. The same God that freed the Israelites, that died on the cross. The same God that made the universe, knows all and sees all. Cares for all His children like they are the only child; His faithful love never runs dry. That God will carry me all the way…do I trust Him?