herlucidlife

A dream of you kept me giddy the entire day. Walking on air, a daydream sight of you was more than enough for my reality to turn colors. I hold you in my heart tucked away tightly. I openly accept you while you openly throw me away. I was doing so good letting you go and yet, you crept into my subconscious willingly. I look for you around town. The love story is that you’ve always been mine even when you threw me away. I held you in my heart, no reality to back up what my heart feels. It’s foolish to think you’d ever love because you’ve shown you don’t. I long for you like a weaning baby looking for breast milk. I yearn for you like eyes looking at a starry sky. It’s difficult being so honest. The tug in my heart is unmatched, only hurting myself. I look forward to our next encounter. I’ve settled on only having you in my dreams. Can someone be mine and not really be mine? 

Can someone live in my heart but never set foot in my reality? I’ve done my best to kill any memory of you, tears roll down my face. I hold onto God tightly because my heart breaks at the reality that you’re not here. Shattered pieces of who I once was under your feet as you walk away. Unbothered. I want you to be broken, unrecognizable because of how disgusting your actions are. I loved genuinely while you faked it. I still love hard; I don’t want to imagine you not being here. Can a nightmare and dream both breathe in the same space? I’m not hurting, I’m healing. I’m not crazy, I’m faithful to the cause. I’m not losing my mind, rather I’m learning I’ve lost you. Misplaced, you don’t want to be found.

The aroma of your skin nestled in my nose after waking from our dream. Sitting up in the bed, immediately documenting our visit together. All but nine minutes changed my whole heart. I was two seconds from indifference until now. Even in the dream you can make a smile feel like home. Feet hitting the carpet, Mimi meowing at me around my feet. I couldn’t help but stand in the middle of the kitchen in awe. Struck with surprise, I had not seen you in so long. I couldn’t help that the virtual you made me feel the reality may one day match up. I know deep down they will not. I’m in love with someone who is imaginary. He does not exist; he is not real. Yet I could feel the love for you so deep in my bones it aches my joints to even breathe without you. 

Come home, so I can be home. Come be safe so I can protect you from wind and rain. Come live so you can wipe away my tears when my mind forgets that you don’t love me anymore. Come light a fire on the coals of my heart so I can feel something again. I no longer want to walk in the dark because you somehow took the light when you left. Come back, you left thinking I didn’t need you, but I do. A tortured soul. Yearning no longer exists when the depths of my soul can meet you in the spiritual realms of our dreams. You can’t deny that something is unfinished. I’d be stupid to wait, yet living with anyone else and not having the opportunity to feel your skin on mine would be a death sentence. My heart aches at the thought of there being anyone else. So, I’ll wait for you.