herlucidlife

I’ve been feeling like I’m in love. There is no special person in my life, no one has professed love nor have I lost my mind over a beautiful man. Yet my heart feels so full of love. And then this dream caught me by surprise. 

The early evening sunset had begun to shine into my bedroom. Sunken to the bed, thinking I needed to get up and continue the day. Groggy slowly rises up in my room, pushing my body up to a seated position, feeling heavy eyes still closed as I sit crisscross on the bed. Mind and body were not fully awake, eyes closed feeling the tiredness in my body. Sitting with my back to the door, from behind I could feel a heaviness in the crook of my neck. I thought “aww Mimi has her little head on my shoulder” but it wasn’t my cat. Feeling the weight, I lifted my hand to touch what it was, a man’s head tucked tight in the crook of my neck. Fear began to set in, pushing me back down on the bed. Fear kept my eyes closed and my body felt frozen. Full lips kissing my neck, tongue swirling in motion, fingernails caressing my thigh. Almost being lulled into passion, fear reminded me I don’t know who this person is. Twisting to push them away, his full lips met mine and suddenly we were face to face. It was him.  Standing in the doorway of my bedroom, I’d prayed for this moment. His face was not covered or blurred out, it was him. He was exactly what I asked God to send. With a startled look on my face I got up and pushed him with all my strength, almost falling off the bed. I said “where the hell have you been?!” Stumbling back a little he smiled at me. I went to gut punch him in the gut, he dodged and playfully swung at me and said “girrrl.”

Jumping on him, squeezing him tightly, legs wrapped around his waist. Silence fell on the room; my body physically couldn’t squeeze him any tighter as we fell onto the bed. I wanted to cry. I let him go, standing up slowly he began to explain himself. Walking toward the dresser he said, “I love you.” Still seated on the bed watching him cross the room coming closer. Lowering his body to tuck himself behind me, wedged together seated on the bed. His hands caressing my thighs, I could feel his breath on my neck, so sweet. His voice directly in my ear, his chest against my back. He continued “I was wrong. I was mad because my short form movies weren’t being processed quickly enough, I was mad because my music was not getting done. I was mad because I was confused about the direction of my business. And then you were talking about moving here and I didn’t think a person could move states in a short time but then the next day you had moved and…it was all excuses, and I was wrong. I’m in love with you.” Shocked, I said nothing. Listening to him explain. He said everything I’d always wanted to hear. Thinking to myself, “is this real?”

He continued “I was looking for signs to come back, like a full moon but there was never a full moon.” As he’s talking about moons my mind flashes to a night when an old friend and I were talking in the driveway of his home with a full moon looking down at us with stars so bright in the sky. Nothing obstructed the view of the moon. Snapping back to his voice he said, “the moon was always obstructed by a tree or something and that’s how I knew it wasn’t the right time.” I never spoke a word. Boiling water rumbling in the distance broke what he was saying, he got up from the bed and with a smile said, “the tea is almost done.” Making his way down the hall, I watch him about to walk into the kitchen. Paint stains on the back of his navy-blue shorts, with his favorite light blue t-shirt on. I yelled to him, “how’d you get in my house?” Turning around with a smile and a twisting key hand motion he says “I jimmied a little” with a wink. Immediately I thought “how long has he been here? Clearly my locks aren’t very secure.”