herlucidlife

I feel like there is something else here but I’m scared to write it. Don’t want people thinking I’m delusional, holding onto a fantasy or not letting go. I’m simply battling with the reality God has placed in my lap and the yearning my heart feels every single day. The reality says you’re not here then my heart wakes up with you in its mind like you’ve never left. I sound like some whining child crying for their favorite teddy bear even when momma bought them a new one. The reader may become restless with my subject matter but I never get tired of talking about the greatest love of my life. 

The sweetness of you showing up in my dreams is more potent than nectar. Honey dripping from a honeycomb could not compare to the taste of your lips. In our apartment, the television light from the kitchen illuminated our home. Cozy, dimly lit lamps made for a warm environment. Blankets folded neatly on a small sofa, an old coffee table floating in the middle of the living room. Just you and I together, working on our respective projects in the kitchen. Sitting on a barstool tussling with the embroidery on my favorite pillow. You, standing up by the table almost as tall as the window behind you, tinkering with something I have no knowledge of. Wearing your old gray college t-shirt with washed out lettering and shorts. You were focused. 

Barefoot together in our home, nothing felt more right then this moment here. Nothing fancy but it was ours together. Walking from behind the table, with a smile on your face you got close and our lips landed in perfect sync. Pushing him away, shoving the pillow out from between us the biggest grin came on his face when I grabbed his t-shirt to pull him closer. Sandwiched together, he pulled me off the barstool onto the kitchen floor. Never missing a beat, two bodies melting together as one. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else but you. For the rest of my days, I’d only want you. This moment. The way you make me feel in our home is something I’ve never imagined. 

Comfortable together, hiding nothing, all of our flaws are on the table for both to see. Safe and protected being nothing but ourselves. Stripped on our floor together in harmony. I can smell the good cooking that has filled the walls. Love has been poured out into making something so simple be so nurtured. The reality is nothing is perfect but it all somehow fits together like all the other puzzle pieces have in the past. Physical intimacy on the floor first began with mutual respect for the other’s body, soul, spirit and mind. Tangled together on the kitchen tiles, we both came up laughing because we fell asleep. 

The wonders of adulthood haven’t left our bodies. The beauty is we share both passion and rest, hobbies and care, nurturing and discipline. How beautiful it was to see you again in my dream. Perhaps one day it will be reality.