herlucidlife

Working a six hour shift it was time for a thirty minute lunch. Having a split second thought to go downstairs to the main cafe, something said “stay upstairs on the third floor break area.” Finding an empty table against the wall, the break room is full of employees quietly eating. Opening my lunch box, digging out some fruit. Cracking open by book to meet with God’s truth for twenty-six minutes. Zoned in, noticing employees thinning out of the room. My back toward the entrance of the break room, you sat directly behind me. 

I always look toward your desk at the start of a new shift. Looking to see if you’re there. Having seen you earlier at your desk I was hoping that maybe I would run into you. Not having that big of a rapport, it was enough to say hello and it not be weird. Looking up from my book, turning over my shoulder a little bit, I thought to myself, “surely he’s not sitting right behind me.” The end of my lunch break came to an end. Since day one I thought you were cute but I was completely okay with observing you from afar. Standing up to throw my banana peel away, you didn’t look up. 

Only four minutes left till time to clock-in. My mind said “don’t say hello.” My gut said “speak.” With a split second decision my lips were saying, “hey man, how’s it going?” Looking up, your face lit up. A two minute interaction made my night. Smiling, giddy the rest of the night. I shared the encounter with my friend. It hit me that I haven’t been this excited about a crush in a long time. Then again I haven’t had a crush in a long time. Hating the would “crush” I’ve been rolled over way too much to count. I have a genuine interest in a man. Excitedly sharing with my friend the encounter, I couldn’t wait for work the next day. 

Coming into work the next day. Arriving before you, I noticed you at your desk when I went on break. Another lunch break, another moment to quiet my mind. Hoping you’d walk into the break room. You arrived, speaking to another co-worker on the other end. You walked over to greet me, speaking for a short moment, feeling more natural today. Nothing overwhelming, short and sweet. The most important thing is that they feel sweet. Something to look forward to, something to keep the fantasy alive. 

I love a good fantasy not because I think reality has a place there but because it keeps the rawness of reality soft. Daydreaming creates space in my mind for you in a way that makes the attraction stronger. Looking for over a month, my friend says something might spark. I hope for more than sparks but a combustible all consuming fire that breeds a fresh beginning. For now, a simple exchange is more than enough.