herlucidlife

I’ve been going back and forth in my mind. Praying to God, allowing space for Him to answer my questions. He’s answered my questions. I continue to go in circles anyway. Bouncing from reassurance to guilt back to settling then questioning. 

A friendship, a brewing sisterhood went silent. Having gone on her vacation, I forgot she was out of town and I reached out during a time of emotional distress. Apologizing to her when she replied back, stating I was not doing well. No reply. Going into the next month, I have not reached out, nor has she. 

I prayed and heard a still voice say, “stay still.” Sharing with a couple girlfriends, praying some more I kept hearing the same voice, “be still.” Sharing about it at a meeting very vague to keep the person private, I could feel that still voice, “be still.” Looking for understanding and reasons, I’m finding myself creating resentment. 

I remind myself that this person has no clue what’s going on in my head, nor do I know what they are going through. Following the voice that told me to do nothing. Speaking with God, letting Him know my feelings. I hate to say that perhaps I’m feeling guilt and a little grief. I have no clue what’s going on on the other side. I trust that still voice I heard over everything. 

I can’t deny that something felt off, beginning to feel draining. I also realize there were things I was not speaking on out of fear. I still have an issue with fearing people, when God is the only one to fear.