herlucidlife

In the midst of removing myself from a friendship I also canceled my gym membership. I could feel my nervous system becoming uneasy. The mental gymnastics to get through the workout was painful. The self conscious thoughts, thinking I’m not doing enough or I need to be doing more. Comparing myself to both men and women. I was stressed, my body was doing the opposite of what I wanted. 

Having gone to the gym for 2 years, I wasn’t seeing the progress. I truly believe it’s because I was trying to change my body out of hatred instead of moving out of love. Going back to my roots. Going for long walks around the neighborhood, stretching throughout the day and doing body weight exercises, little dance parties in the house. I already feel a shift in my mind and body.

Both feel at ease and intune with each other. Whispers of love to myself, “I love her.” It’s so remarkable to think, the same toes and feet that held me up at 2 years old are the same feet that held me up at 31. I’m finally leaning into loving her rather than wanting to change her. Let’s love my body where she is, for who she is. She’s done so much work. 

Truthfully if I were in a relationship that constantly wanted me to change, never accepted where I was at, I surely would leave that entanglement. So why do that to my body? Why berate my body with hurtful words? The harmful thoughts and words were beginning to take a toll on the relationship with her. I began to look at my closest companion with hatred, when really it’s partnership. My body is my dearest and oldest friend, she stuck by me when I abandoned her. 

She deserves the love I give to everyone else.