herlucidlife

Standing in the mirror putting my hand on my tummy saying, “I love you.” I felt a deep warming sensation in my heart. Placing my hand on my forehead saying, “I love you.” Immediately I felt my body relax, feel safe and secure. I never realized that I was putting more stress on my body by looking at her as something to change. 

I never realized the little girl, the teenager and the young adult in her early twenties, all pieces of me still inside needed to be loved with more tenderness. I can’t hate my body to change but I can love her to change. The greatest mental battle I’m undoing is thinking that anything needs to change. Rather than changing I’m simply in a space of radical acceptance. I believe that at some point constantly yearning to change is not healthy. 

At some point I want to love and cherish where I am, for who I am, for what I look like with no thought of changing it. Perhaps then growth will be more natural because I won’t be forcing it but instead I will be creating awareness. My emotions, the sensations in my body have gained more of my attention. It’s helped me understand that I can’t move through life with only awareness to those around me. 

Deeper awareness has helped me navigate life with fuller authenticity. Every time I ignored myself I ended up hurting myself and others. Even as I speak these words I want to eat my emotions. I want to snack on chips when perhaps I’m really not hungry. Furthermore, I should probably just go to bed, it’s late and I’ve been trying to do better with my sleep patterns. It’s a process, my day to day life is not perfect, most days it’s more consistent than not. All in all we do our best everyday.