herlucidlife

I went into dating thinking the world would open up once I decided I was ready. The opposite has been true. I feel invisible in a sea of people. Like my voice goes into a void, questions go unanswered. I must say it’s taking a lot of effort to not allow it to hit my esteem. 

I understand it was arrogant of me to go into dating thinking it was going to be easy. As I’ve gotten older it’s become that much more difficult to find something genuine. Putting myself out there, being patient for the return. I’ve seen women date for years before finally finding their person. To clarify I haven’t actually been on a date because I’m having a hard time getting from virtual to in-person. 

Perhaps it’s time to put in the work and be vocal about what I’m looking for and wanting. There’s always growth to be had. Dating is the main thing that brings feelings of inadequacy. Deep down I still believe I’m not worthy of true love. That I need to be and look a certain way to be loved. Logically I know it’s not true but the flood gates open when I begin trying to date. 

The biggest struggle is simply being patient. Allowing things to happen how they will and accepting it has nothing to do with me. This dating experience is really stretching me in ways I wasn’t thinking it would. It’s having me rely on God and stay in the pocket of truth. Asking for what I want is not thirsty, it’s intentionally seeking clarity. 

Intentional dating isn’t just for the man but for the woman too. I’ve often waited for the man to set the tone when really both can. I’m learning how to set the tone for my own life.