The word states that many adversities come to those who are righteous but they will be delivered from them all, Psalms 34:19. I only call myself righteous based on the blood Jesus pours over me. The biggest adversity I face today is myself. It’s the evil desire that exists. It’s the dark and lustful thoughts that swirl my mind at any given moment.
My prayers look like a pin ball bouncing all over the place. From one thought to the next, feeling overwhelmed in my own skin. I couldn’t help but feel a little low as the week moved on. Having worked eight days in a row by the time Friday hit, my battery is running empty. My legs have become a little swollen and bruised from walking too much in the heat.
Walking is a form of meditation for me. After I’ve sweat, the shirt underneath my sweatshirt drenched, I physically and mentally feel more relaxed. Walking after work, my legs have been feeling better. I walked a little over 10,000 steps. Praying, allowing my thoughts to roam to where they needed too, listening to the nature around me. Toward the end of the walk, night had fallen over the sky, talking to God. My eyes welled with tears.
Immediately it hit how tired I am. Mentally and spiritually drained. Allowing the tears to fall. There’s always been safety with Jesus. I’ve always been able to get to the root of my emotions with Him because I don’t always have to speak something for it to be felt and heard. He understands the depth of my tears whether joyful or not. He understands the silent groans of my spirit. He hears the deeper meaning of the words I whisper. He sees the parts of me that are so hurt.
Hurt from decisions I’ve made. Hurt from life that I could not control. I keep going anyway. Waking up the next day I felt a little lighter. My body was too tired to even think about what was weighing me down yesterday. Getting home from work, sitting on the floor of my kitchen. Falling asleep sitting on the floor, I felt the exhaustion that has been weighing on me creep in. Deciding to take a rest, my legs and my body are simply done. Perhaps I’m more exhausted than I thought. Asking God for another wind to keep going.
We keep going.
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