Struggling with sin is not the same as practicing. If I’m being honest I’ve been practicing sexual sin. To struggle with sexual sin means I’ve stopped all acts and when I feel the temptation come into my body, I flee and run to God then do the next right thing to make sure I stay away from sin.
Today was a somewhat difficult day inside my mind and body. Though my body does so much for me, there’s so much that I am not doing for her. I could fuel her better, care for her more intentionally and deny myself indulgent things. Lately I’ve been trying to ignore the fact that I do not like the way I look.
Though I love myself I know I could be doing more to truly enjoy the skin I’m in. I grew up with a mother that struggled with weight. And though I was very skinny and athletic as a child, I never knew how much her mindset and struggle with weight was affecting me. Until I began gaining weight myself.
To this day I see a version of my mother when I look at how heavy I’ve become. I am the heaviest I’ve ever been and I’m really tired of getting to the breaking point. I downloaded an app to maybe help with doing better with food. Movement is easy, I enjoy walking 10,000 plus everyday. Yet food is a mountain that knocks me into the valley every time.
Simple movement such as sleeping, flipping over in the bed, walking, and joint health would be greatly affected with losing weight. Cholesterol and even blood pressure would benefit from some visceral fat being removed. I do not want to go on GLP-1s. Though I had considered it in the past I just believe that is not the route I want to go.
Either way habits, mindset and discipline need to change. I’d rather do that without a drug. I only have opinions about that for my own journey and no one else’s. Saying I love myself in the mirror, rubbing my little bell. Deep down I know if I loved myself I still wouldn’t be eating unhealthy food, I still wouldn’t be overeating at night, I still wouldn’t be emotional eating.
I’m learning to love myself. Several actions have changed and now this huge behavior needs to change. Just like masturbation, issues with food began very early. I know that masturbation and food are another battle within my control that God will help me conquer. He has already won the victory for me. Now I need to honor the victory and choose the correct behavior.
It’s so natural to pull up into the grocery store or go to the restaurant to get something unhealthy. There are times when it’s not as bad, yet I’m practicing destructive behavior. I no longer want to rebel against God. There are so many ways to live in rebellion and this one is one of mine.
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